The thinspo, pro-ana, and pro-mia thing has got a bit of a hold on me. I have had problems with eating before. I'd binge and then the next couple of days eat only when necessary and only enough to keep my blood sugar up. Sometimes I would only eat to keep my blood sugar up even if I didn't binge. It's hard to fight this stuff, but I’m trying. Yes I am thin. I might weigh 120lbs at 63 inches. I just don't see myself as thin enough. This may or may not end up being a poem I continually write.
Seeing a forum about thigh gaps Reading something about "thinspo" Curiosity taking over, I Google it "It's purely seeing what this is" I tell myself The pictures showing thin bodies, not unlike the one I had Suddenly wishing I had that again Clicking out of that, banishing the dark thoughts Reading about how so many love tiny thigh gaps Not being able to help myself, I check and see I don't have one My thighs are huge in my eyes, my stomach looking pudgy Deep inside my mind I know I'm thin But right now I don't see it, every bit of possible fat is accentuated
Looking up pro-ana and pro-mia thingd Chanting to myself it's just research Seeing more and more skinny bodies, making me want it even more The ounce of control I had disappears "One bowl of ice cream won't hurt" I think to myself The self-loathing rearing its ugly head in the form of hunger Not long after I find myself kneeling in front of the toilet Stomach churning, toothbrush in hand But nothing will come up Some time passes with nothing, I force myself to give up
Curiosity takes ahold once again I once again look up pro-mia but this time tips Finding how to purge The best foods to purge The hardest things to come back up I can feel an obsession starting, but don't try to stop myself Pro-ana tips next, taking it all in The need to be a size one taking over Maybe even a size zero again
Seeing dinner I know I can't skip a meal, or purge it I eat as little as possible Hating every bite of the steak and fries And yet relishing it at the same time All I want is to be a size one
Edited by - MoonlitDreamer on 11/04/2012 3:51:54 PM