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Poetry Critique - Serious Poets Only

Post & Critique Poetry

Against the odds

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 Against the odds
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Zainab
New Member

Iraq
22 Posts

Posted - 11/04/2009 :  12:09:43 PM  Show Profile Send Zainab a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I can almost see you there
I can almost hear your voice through the air
calling me .. through the noise ..through the mess
let the time stand still just for us ..
I can almost smell the place ..
smell the mud after Rain
I can almost see your face ..

are you too playing old memories flashing back
you're smiling back
barely awake ..dreaming of that summer day by the lake
holding hands ..you and I walking through burning sand

I can too feel the breath that you take ..
I dare too dream of love we will make ..

come close ..come undone ..come what may
I am yours .. I'm the silly little girl waiting for your white horse
I would wait .. I would stand against the odds
break the laws .. fool the fate

I am lost ..in your arms there's a Home I can trust
there's a peace I long to ..freedom lies in your arms
and all the things I don't have ..things I can never do

forget about that thousand miles
let us be who we are for a while
just be mine ..
against the odds..against the world and all the signs
we will meet even though in our dreams
we will be together oneday as crazy as it seems

when the dust clears away ..I'll be standing in your way
I have faith ..in this love I beleive
I will stay .. knowing you have to leave

so let the time stand still
cause I'll fight yes I will

twildone12
Average Member

USA
200 Posts

Posted - 11/04/2009 :  10:50:26 PM  Show Profile  Visit twildone12's Homepage  Send twildone12 an AOL message Send twildone12 a Private Message  Reply with Quote
i love this poem? are you fighting in iraq? i have a brother fighting over in iraq, i miss him so much and i cry at night wishing he was home, he is my best friend and my hero..but if you are fighting in iraq i want to say thank you. not a lot of people appreciate what you guys do. but i reall appreciate you risking your life for this world
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Poetry Granny
Average Member

193 Posts

Posted - 11/05/2009 :  7:16:17 PM  Show Profile Send Poetry Granny a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I feel your pain in this one. I kind of know how you feel...my husband served in the AF for 20 years. Each time we were apart was pure agony. The difference between you and I is huge...I knew he would be coming home and you are not sure which person the bullets of war will strike next. My heart goes out to you. Good luck...and keep dreaming! Dreams DO come true!
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Zainab
New Member

Iraq
22 Posts

Posted - 11/06/2009 :  01:17:53 AM  Show Profile Send Zainab a Private Message  Reply with Quote
twildone : thanx for reading and commenting , I would see my self that way " fighting in Iraq " but I'm not soldier , sometimes i wish i was ! i just have to fight to get through life day by day . I really hope your brother will go back home safely to you and your family cause no one should get hurt in this lost war .
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Zainab
New Member

Iraq
22 Posts

Posted - 11/06/2009 :  01:26:15 AM  Show Profile Send Zainab a Private Message  Reply with Quote
poetry Granny : thanx for your support
I'm glad and sure that you understand how does that feel , now that he's back home it became a bitter sweet for me i'm so glad that he's safe finally but at the same time I feel we are so far away now that it's about to come to an end which is agonizing and sad .
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twildone12
Average Member

USA
200 Posts

Posted - 11/06/2009 :  09:40:54 AM  Show Profile  Visit twildone12's Homepage  Send twildone12 an AOL message Send twildone12 a Private Message  Reply with Quote
thanks.. i do to i dont know what i would do if i lost my brother from the war. Yeah well that is understandable. Trust me you wouldnt want to be in the war, it is really bad, i havent seen my brother for a very long time because the war has taken over him
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Zainab
New Member

Iraq
22 Posts

Posted - 11/06/2009 :  1:27:42 PM  Show Profile Send Zainab a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I am in this war if i like it or not ! I'm sorry if i wasn't clear in my previous answer but I'm Iraqi and exposed to war more then soldiers them selves that's why I wrote " bullet proof " cause i don't even wear a bullet proof vest and don't carry a weapon around in a place where those are your basic requirements that's why I said I wish i was a soldier at least I'll feel more powerful then helpless and there would be a time table to look for when my tour is over and when I can finally go home but what I'm doing now is a non stop 6 consecutive years tour !
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Poetry Granny
Average Member

193 Posts

Posted - 11/07/2009 :  06:37:46 AM  Show Profile Send Poetry Granny a Private Message  Reply with Quote
You say you have a 6 yr tour and that you are Iraqi...your profile has med student. Are you serving your country in a medical capacity? If so, I can understand how mentally challenging that would be.
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Zainab
New Member

Iraq
22 Posts

Posted - 11/07/2009 :  12:47:11 PM  Show Profile Send Zainab a Private Message  Reply with Quote
no I was joking there is no such thing as 6 year tour but i feel like I'm doing an endless tour and there's no time " to go home " so there's nothing to look up to that can help or motivate you to handle the hard times .
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Ronald Doe
Moderator

USA
1574 Posts

Posted - 11/19/2009 :  8:50:56 PM  Show Profile  Visit Ronald Doe's Homepage Send Ronald Doe a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Zainab, I salute you and I pray you all come home safely.

Ronnie Doe

www.thewritingforum.net
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